Monday, November 23, 2015

I fell down today.

And it was SO scary!

Oh my gosh. I saw a friend of mine, she waved to me and I got so excited I FELL DOWN!

On the ice!

I'm always so terrified of falling down on the ice, I'm one of those nerd-walkers who probably is making it way worse for herself by walking that way on the ice.

But you know, I'm FOURTY-FIVE NOW. I could break a hip!

But I didn't.

I fell and got right back up. Like a 19 year old.

Maybe 30 year old.

Sunday, November 22, 2015

Sighing in the Sauna

Ok ladies.


No more sighing in the sauna.

We go in there because it's quiet and dark and warm, like a womb.


Sometimes you have your headphones on and you just don't realize all the sighing and breathing that you're doing - but sometimes, sometimes you're just controlling the room with your breath.

I've been really paying attention to all that I say with my breath. I mean, there's annoyed sighs and happy sighs and "look at me sighs" and martyr sighs and getting up from the couch sighs...



Saturday, November 21, 2015

It's been 18 months since my last blog confession

I wrote in this little blog for a long time, kept a diary of sorts here.

I don't go back and read my diaries from jr. high and high school and I feel no big pull to come and read my diary from Chicago Stories.

But I keep seeing things, things that maybe aren't appropriate to be posted to my business blog.

Maybe I'm going to want to swear - SHIT GODDAMNIT FUCKING SHIT

Or maybe I want to tell a sad story about a dead bunny (there is no dead bunny, I mean, I'm sure there is but I don't really have a story about it), or maybe I want to talk about my butt or your butt or something, so -

I'm going to start writing here again.

But not diary form.

Story form.

Or rant form.


Whatever the hell I want. Stay tuned.

Monday, April 07, 2014

Worn Out

It's no surprise about our past winter, there's really nothing to say about it except...


Everything. My precious Patagonia coat is leaking from almost every seam, distributing tiny white feathers all over Chicago.

Shoes, their soles are worn out and my awesome Merrell boots are unwearable, they could just come apart on the street.

Our couch has a big seam rip in it.

We just found out last night one of John's last pair of wearable pants has a huge hole in the back.

Everything is tired and broken and on it's last everythings, including us I think.

But here's the thing. We made it.

John and I made it! With very little $$ coming in and little work for either of us, we freaking made it through this horrible winter. I honestly feel like we won a battle. Like we are the victors.

But we have to get the swords sharpened, get the chain mail re-linked, get the swords shined (hee) and stock up on bunny rabbits and root vegetables.

Now we both have a ton of work, summer is coming - I feel like today and tomorrow are the "last icky days," so I'm going to sit on the couch with a blanket and watch Family Feud with Steve Harvey one last time - because summer is here and the battles will start again. 

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Cozy pants and a sweatshirt

That is totally where I am today. And that is great.

After many months I finally had a busy week this week, tours! Meetings! Plays! Musicals! Art!

It was nice. So today is the first day since about Christmas that I feel I have the right to rest and not go outside. It's cold out today. So.

I haven't been writing much here and I think about it. Not nag myself or anything, but more of a why am I not writing here? On the surface (I think), it's because of the above reason - there's just not that much going on for me right now. But of course every day there are a million things going on, so it's not really that.

Maybe I'm not willing to go into a lot here anymore. I mean, I'm feeling all kinds of things, so many things, but I just...

Sabrina and I were talking yesterday, she's been listening to a lot of Buddhist podcasts lately and she mentioned how she just wants to shut up and listen lately, not talk so much and just listen. I warned here, because I did this too, I warned her that people generally won't ask her much about herself, that she will stay quiet.

Once I shut up, this was probably, I don't know maybe 6 months ago? Once I shut up, it was very weird. Lots of people just stopped asking about me. And that is really okay, I'm not judging this, just something I noticed. We're all so much in our own minds, so many worries and fears, that once you find someone that will just listen, well then you just talk. Also, I think people assume if you're not talking, that you're okay you know? Especially women, we all know that if we need to talk, we'll tell you, we NEED TO TALK. So if you're not talking, you're fine.

Again, all good (also fun to see the people that don't let you off the hook, even when you shut up, love those people).

But I think it carries over to this blog - I have kind of shut up. I could vent or complain or over-emphasize but I'm trying to figure out the balance of shutting up and sharing yourself. So I think on this blog I've just shut up a little bit.


Anyway. Go see art. Seriously. Just go see some frakking art. Any art. I don't care what it is. Just. Art.

Thursday, March 06, 2014

I'm Feeling It

Oh my god I feel awful today. Not awful. stomach doesn't feel real good, I haven't been eating all that well.

I have cabin FEVER.

I'm bored.

I'm kinda chunky for me.

I'm creatively...mmm...not stuck...but mired in it.


And today? Today it's all hitting the shit fan and I just now realized, in the best possible way.

I'm just tired of it today, not dealing with it, I have the day to myself and instead of forcing myself to go out, I'm staying home, taking it easy, drinking tea and eating little. Just rest the mind a bit, quiet.

And I realized as I sat down to work I just took care of about 6 things I didn't want to take care of and haven't been taking care of. Emails I didn't want to answer, phone calls I didn't want to make. Most of these somehow were "no" choices. No to this or that. "No" can be hard sometimes. Some were just things I didn't want to take care of.

And I just whipped them out just now. Because I don't feel like taking shit today. It's dumb today to waste too much time crafting a no email - just say no. Be done with it.

And I have. And it's really nice! HA! Take that feeling shitty, I win.

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Another Vortex

Whatever. I'm so good at these now. I'm really good at it right now. John is freelancing so I've got the house to myself. I cleaned it, you know how when you have the house to yourself, you want it to be clean? So it's all clean. I've had a quiet morning of some exercise, a little stretching, a little attention to my body, waking that sucker up.

I listened to the radio, cleaned up a little. I closed off my office because there's no reason to heat it right now (plus I've hidden my four secret children in there) so I'm at the dining room table with the sun shining in and no noise except the calm hum of the humidifier.

So yeah, I'm good. Bring on the vortex.

Survivor starts tonight.


Quiet. Warm.